


He tried. (but failed)

by WinchesterTFW



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bad Parent John Winchester, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Multi, One Shot, POV Dean Winchester, Pre-Stanford Era (Supernatural), Sad Dean Winchester, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26721133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinchesterTFW/pseuds/WinchesterTFW
Summary: All his life, Dean tried not to give into his rage and anger, tried not to be like his old man. Tried not to be like the monster they hunted in the dead of the night and tried to be normal.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & John Winchester, Dean Winchester & John Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	He tried. (but failed)

**Author's Note:**

> wrote some dean angst at 3 am in the morning! 
> 
> hope y’all enjoy it! Also, fuck john winchester.

_ All his life, Dean tried not to give into his rage and anger, tried not to be like his old man. Tried not to be like the monster they hunted in the dead of the night and tried to be normal. _

He became the good soldier his father wanted him to be, always ready and alert. He became the shield to protect Sammy from the monsters. Everything he did from the age of 4 was to make his father proud. Nonetheless, he still failed miserably, failed to be the perfect so the eldest Winchester wanted him to be, failed as good brother. So he settled for being a useful weapon in his father’s revenge for his mother’s untimely demise.  
Always did what he was asked to do, neither asked anything nor questioned his father’s vengeance.

When he turned 13, they stayed in Missouri for few months. There was a boy, with brightest eyes that even sun envied, he wanted to be his friend. He always got a giddy feeling whenever that boy sat next to him in his class.

**_He wanted to protect him and make him smile_**.

He was out of sorts, didn’t have any answers for these feelings, so he did was a naive 13 year old would do. 

He told his father. That was the first time his father ever slapped him and the hatred that reflected in old man’s eyes was something he never wanted to see. He cried himself to sleep that night, and the very next day they were on the road again.

From the moment onwards he knew his other task in the life was to be normal and never ever make his father that angry again. So he did what he had to, stared overcompensating. He told his father how every girl in the school wanted his number, he started bad mouthing the people like himself and day by day started hating himself a bit more.

Next time he encountered the similar rage in his father’s eyes was the day Sammy up and left for college. It was the day when his father started hitting him again whenever he was drunk, told him he was a freak and how he should have burnt in that fire instead of his mother and a part of him knew that his father was right.

So he happily became the outlet for his father’s anger and rage because beneath all that bravado, he was just a little boy who wanted to be normal and loved, wanted to hear the words **‘I’m proud of you son’.**

**Author's Note:**

> if y’all like it please let me know.🥺 also spn is returning in few days WHAAAT
> 
> also my twitter is @bradburydeancas


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